a day for a day...?!

and this is how I am ended with?
living life on daily basis...
every day counts,
a day means so much,
yet it also costs so much...

it means as much as it costs me,
a day for a day...

because I am already far behind time,
I can't afford to lose even just a day,
and even so there isn't much I catch up.
because I am too far behind,
as far as I haven't started anything, I have nothing.

and how would it be possible for me to give up a day?
the trade-off costs as much as its gain...

there won't be any net gain, eventually.
because it is just about a day for another...
it isn't making any different.
so I am not taking the deal.
I am just so sorry.

my life is my message

I somehow think that I am hiding here because I don't know what else I could do with myself and this sucking life...but it seems that I choose the 'wrong place' to hide... I believe I am running away from something, but I found no where left for me to hide if not here...yeah I agree, l am ignoring the 'ignorable' as much as I can... 

..to make things worst, my right nostril is 90% blocked already. I didn't expect it to grow so fast...errghhh sucksss!!! I hope it would stop growing for just 1 year, yes please, allow me some times to finish up with this course... what a life... am I not being rational...? yes I am not, because I refuse to... why must I be rational anyway? indeed I question 'reality'... it's my life and I live it the way I like... since I believe there is no such thing as right or wrong in life. 

somehow I admire the way Steve Jobs lived his life...it is said that he was living in a reality distortion field, but so what?! why bother? it's his life, he lived it the way he liked.

Trapped Outside

If you do not see me,

I shall be free of any concern,

To go on the way I want,

Be who I am.

There will be no fear in the mind,

No pressure, no jealousy in the heart,

For I do not have to worry,

Your acceptance and judgment.

How I wish you never see me,

I am tired of your eyesight,

I am sick of your blather,

I hate to have to appear aloof.

For you are many, I am the odd,

But it is not your fault,

It is me, because I am the stranger.

I should not have been here.

But it is unfair that you condemn me,

I am just trapped outside.

If I may turn back the clock,

I would have done it long time ago.

For I could not make myself unseen,

Allow me to erase your memory,

Return you a renewed one,

As I was never there.