Why is this life getting harder and harder?
It seems that I have never been really happy, or could it because of the pain that I am enduring now, that I have forgotten what happiness is...
What is happening to me is really beyond my endurance, though I always think I am a very happy go lucky person.
Or God is testifying my endeavor ?
Is there a test that is beyond my endurance ?
Why must I enduring this misery?
Why must I go on with the suffering?
At the very first place,
I am not keen to live at all.
I am not looking forward a happy life,
I am not looking forward for anything,
I have nothing to look forward to,
yet I have to life on, because it is not right to end a life...
yet this life is full of agony.
I don't remember when was the last time I was happy (if I had ever felt so).
and in order to go on living, I have found myself a goal to pursue:
"to live an alternative way of life, a way from the conventional living"
I am the walking alien in the crowd.
